Tips Memaafkan Insan Lain

Apa anda buat bila anda pernah marah kat seseorang dan tak boleh terima perbuatan dia, tapi anda nak overcome perasaan tu because you know it’s not healthy for your heart?

Nak maafkan? Cakap je senang. Kata je aku dah maafkan dia. Tapi teringat-ingat dan masih rasa geram (ketap bibir).

Nak lupakan? Memang tak boleh selagi tak maafkan. Kadang-kadang tu bawak ke dalam mimpi (chronic tu).

Tak best kan? Sebab end up hati kita yang tak tenang dan rasa tak best. Aku ni bukannya senang nak benci ke menyampah ke marah ke sakit hati dengan orang sangat. Usually, aku memang senang nak maafkan dan tak amik port dah pas sesuatu kejadian tuh. Sebab aku ni jenis, biarlah orang nak kata ape.Tapi kalau orang tu dah extremely, buat hati kecil I ni terguris, memang la susah nak lupa..

So camne nak maafkan orang yang pernah sakitkan hati kita ni?

Haaaa..ni nak cerita satu contoh. Satu office tau yang aku dulu bergaduh ngan En Pon. Obviously I can’t accept him for the first 3 months. Pedulik hape aku dia boss pun. If you want me to respect you, you must respect me at the same time. Bukan nak mengungkit, tapi nak pendekkan cerita kepada anda yang tak tau, he was really an annoying person. Suka sangat marah-marah, kuat merajuk, cepat sentap, dan sensitive! Ape pun tak boleh! Where the hell this man is came from? 

Kalau kat sekolah, surely selalu kena pulau sebab asyik sentap dan sakitkan hati orang je. Kuat mengadu pulak tuh. Yes, mengadu kat orang lain itu ini camtu camni pasal department kitorang. Seriously.  Pastu macam-macam lagi lah kata-kata dia yang menyakitkan hati dan buat aku rasa nak tombokk hidung dia. Itulah bibit-bibit kemenyampahan aku dan ke tak-boleh-blah an aku terhadap dia. 

Paling kelakar bila ramai tau yang dia pergi sound direct aku kat pantry depan orang lain sebab tanak ikut dia gi lunch. Diorang kata macam laki bini tengah bergaduh perang mulut. Hhahahahahaha? Really? Tak sengaja. Pastu bila dia call, memang haram la aku nak jawab kan? I hate you, remember? I will never reply to your messages, whatsapp or what so ever okay.

But it was. It was. Alhamdulillah. Our relationship is getting better. Both of us are trying hard to fix it. Hopefully it will get better for 2014. Bangun pagi pun dah tak berat nak pergi kerja cam sebelum ni.

Know how I managed to overcome this?

Me: Pul, aku tak boleh blah la ngan dia. Camne nak keje ni. Sangat la bla bla bla bla..

Saiful: Ko maafkan lah dia..

Me: Aku dah maafkan dah. Taoi tetap aku tak boleh terima la. Dia kan pernah cakap aku bla bla bla.. sakit hati tau!

Saiful: Ko tak maafkan dia betul-betul la tu..

Me: Dah. Aku dah maafkan dia dah. Tak boleh la. Tak boleh tengok muka dia lagi. Camne ni..Aku nak benti keje je rasanya..

Saiful: Ko maafkan dia tu camne? Ko kena maafkan dia sebelum tidur..Hari-hari maafkan dia..

Me: Yela, aku maafkan semua orang sebelum tidur. Termasuk dia la tu..

Saiful: Ko sebut nama dia tak?

Me: Hah? Kena sebut nama ke? Eee taknak ah! Tak sanggup nak sebut nama.

Saiful: Ha tu la tips yang sebenar, maafkan orang ni kena sebut nama dia sekali. Contoh kalau ko marah kat aku hari ni, sebelum tidur ko sebut ‘Aku maafkan Saiful bla bla bla … Ya Allah, semoga esok adalah hari yang lebih baik dari hari ni..bla bla bla..Ha..baru la berkesan..’

Me: ……………………………………….. (tak sanggup nak sebut nama. yucks)

Suatu malam, lepas 2 bulan Saiful consult aku, aku cuba..

‘Encik Shahril bin Muhamad (bukannamasebenar) saya maafkan Encik Shahril bin Muhamad. Saya nak lupakan semua yang Encik Shahril bin Muhamad cakap kat saya yang buat saya geram. Saya nak kita baik-baik je lepas ni. Bantu hambaMu untuk menjadi lebih sabar dan tak cepat marah,Ya Allah..Amin’

I tried it for few weeks. Alhamdulillah. Sekarang dah ok. Dia cakap pape pun, tak de lah sakit hati sangat sebab dah niat nak maintain cool je walaupun kadang-kadang tu dia masih annoying. Hahahaha. At least dia pun cuba untuk berubah jadi lebih cool dan tak cepat sentap dan tak marah-marah cam dulu lagi..

So you get what I mean? Kalau nak betul-betul maafkan orang yang pernah lukai kita secara critical, sebut nama dia sekali sebelum tidur (tips Dr Fadzilah Kamsah ni). Dan maafkan orang tu seikhlas yang mungkin. Lagi bagus kalau kita mampu sebut dalam doa kita. \

Put aside the ego and be strong!

In Shaa Allah. Ketenangan milik anda.

 : )

Still..about my baby girl..

In lieu to now-so-trending blog entry, http://saatakukaupilih.blogspot.com/ 

tentang 10 tips berguna dari child psychiatrist.

1.    Biasakan dan kerapkan bawak anak main pasir, buih, rumput, dan plastesin. 

2.    Don't expose to too much things in a box.

3.    Stimulate their imitation skills.

4.    Banyakkan concept toys berbanding mainan superheroes, monsters, etc.

5.    Bila nak ajar anak bercakap, ajar word dulu, avoid sentence.

6.    Kalau budak takut strangers. Ask them to high-5. Avoid salam, hug or kiss.

7.    Bila anak buat salah. Explain instead of marah.

8.    Overly-attached to one person is not a good sign.

9.    Bila bermain, follow his interest. 

10. Bagi pilihan jawapan untuk enhance communication skill anak.

InshaaAllah.

I''ll try my best.

Really good info she shared with the reader. 

Most of my friend has read the entry which is so useful and thoughtful to us, fresh parents. To those whom have 0-3 years toddlers, itu memang entry WAJIB baca. 

As we all still learning and many times get confused why our kids were doing such behaviour.  As we all still lack of knowledge on the DOs and DON’Ts in treating our growing up kids.

Clearly, I AM A BAD MOM. Tapi kawan-kawan kata jangan rasa loser sangat. 

Biasa lah, initial phase in being parents, there’s a lot to learn and many mistakes happened. 

But we learn from mistakes right. 

My kids are so lucky for having such a cool and lovely papa.

Papa la yang banyak ajar mommy sabar dengan anak-anak dan layankan aje la kerenah diorang tu.

The hardest thing for me is to be fair to both of my kids.

im battling with myself to avoid bias towards my kids.

So far Aisy belum pandai buat benda bukan-bukan sampai Mommy sakit hati.

Tapi Allysha, Astargfirullahaladzim..

Kalau tak sabar, boleh jadi mangsa dera baby girl saya tu.

Contoh: mandi pati sirap kat carpet bulu mama, buang duit rm300 kat luar tingkap sampai hilang, celup iphone dalam air, basuh muka guna air dalam toilet bowl, simbah adik ngan air banyak sampai adik lemas, menyorok dalam almari sampai mommy kecut perut sebab tak jumpa dia, koyakkan text books mommy banyak-banyak, pecahkan compact powder eye shadow korek lipstick tuang moisturiser, berguling-guling kat lantai shopping mall, tarik curtain main gayut-gayut sampai tertanggal sume, baling hp mommy sebab video upin ipin dah habis, dan macam-macam lagi la. I am complaining? YES! I'm not tough enough to just hold all this 'HAIHHHH' moments inside..

To be positive, Mommy akan anggap setiap benda yang mencabar kesabaran tu ialah punca atau bukti anak mommy anak yang bijak k. hehe. If it is the way you learn and be happy, so I must bear to face it with an open heart.

Kadang-kadang tu bila tak tahan, memang termarah Allysha. Kesian dia.

Tapi..pastu menyesal. Sian kakak. Dia mana tau pape. Tau main dan happykan diri sendiri je.

Pastu buat sepah dan buat mommy marah sume tu pun sebab nak attention mommy.

Kakak jeolus sebab mommy asyik peluk adik je kan. I'm so sorry kakak.

Mommy yang salah kakak. Mommy masih cuba lagi nak jadi mommy yang penyabar.

MOMMY LOVES YOU SO MUCH, BABY GIRL.

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY BABY, ALLSYHA AZZAHRA.

Mommy sayang dua-dua.

Throwback: When I Was In Liverpool

When She Wants What She Wants

Special post about Allysha whom recently throw tantrum 

for a small thing we did not give her.

Yesterday, for the first time in history, Mommy could not bear her and became evil step mother. For the first time, Mommy punished Allysha by hitting her hand over three times. I also mentioned harsh words to her. I lost my patience. And I regret it SO much. 

Cian Cica. Cica nangis. Cica pujuk Mommy. Mommy tak layan sebab geram sangat.  

Cica continuously cried. Sobing.  And expect Mommy to hug her. Mommy still angry. 

But then when I looked into her eyes, Mommy pulak tersedih.

Mommy: ‘Kakak jangan la buat macam tadi lagi. Mommy tak kisah kalau selalu kena kemas. It’s okay. Tapi Mommy tak suka Allysha mengamuk untuk benda ntah pape (dia taburkan sebalang penuh popia habis bersepah satu bilik pastu robohkan almari sampai jatuh semua barang sebab Mommy tak bagi main antifungal cream)’  

Allysha: ‘Mommyyyyyyyyyy……. (and she hold me tight. no matter how terrible I am towards her, still she wants Mommy to comfort her)’

………………………………………..

Sedih. Menyesal. I should control my emotion, be patient and handle it better.

Sepatutnya lebih banyak istighfar. Selama ni boleh sabar kenapa sekarang tak. Haish.

To recap,

10 tips to deal with tantrums

Develop a strategy

Have a clear plan for how you will handle a tantrum for a range of situations, ie; at home, out shopping, playing at friend's houses. If a tantrum then occurs, remember to focus on your plan rather than the tantrum. This will help keep you calm and in control.

Remind the child of what happened last time they mis-behaved

If your child is old enough to understand, you can remind them of past experiences and the consequences of misbehaving.

Distract your child

Refocus their attention by calmly offering something else to do, see, eat or play with.

Big tantrums often develop from little tantrums

The faster you can intervene or distract your child from a tantrum the better.

Acknowledge their feelings

This aligns you with them and sets the stage for him/her to begin to work through his own problems. For example, setting up a chart for positive behaviour they need to work towards helps your child to focus on a positive goal.

When a preschool child throws a tantrum

Stay within the child's sight but carry on normal activities without talking to him or acknowledging the tantrum.

Start a clean slate

Once a tantrum is over, the child is entitled to start over with a clean slate. Comfort may be given, but any original demands the child had should not be fulfilled. Otherwise, tantrums will become a way of life.

Stay Strong

If a tantrum does happen you need to be strong. If you are out shopping, for example, leave the shopping basket where it is and take your child out to the car or somewhere quiet until the tantrum is over. They need to see they can't hold you hostage to a situation.

Keep a diary

For a few days - when the tantrums happen - note what time of day, what you are doing and what your child is doing, when it happens. If it always happens around dinner, try letting your child have her dinner earlier, giving her a bath before dinner, letting her help you prepare the meal, or having some special time with her at this time of day.

If you are unable to stay near

If you are unable to stay near because you feel yourself losing control and are worried about what you may do, tell your child that you will be leaving for a short time but will be back soon to look after him. Make sure he is safe and have someone else stay with him if you can.

Adila, please please please be a good mother to your lovely kids. Biasalah toddler memang camtu.. ; (

Tips To Stay With In Laws

Amaran: Title je english tapi entry malay hahaha.

Ramai tanya.

‘Apa tips stay dengan in laws?’

Selama ni malas nak jawab.

Tapi bila classmate, Sal yang tanya, ada rasa nak jawab sebab aku nak dia yang bakal ditinggalkan husband yang kerja kat France berbulan-bulan dan kena stay dengan in laws, tahu apa nasihat aku. Terpulang pada dia nak follow atau tidak.

Ni yang aku share dengan dia.

First: Jangan buat assumptions. 

Aku tak suka orang assume aku sedang beremosi apa. Sebab aku pun tak suka nak assume orang sedang berperasaan apa. Fikir positive, yang baik-baik saja. Jangan sebok nak fikir orang ni suka kita atau tak, orang tu ikhlas dengan kita atau tak, diorang benci kita ke marah kita ke apa ke. Jangan buang masa fikir bukan-bukan. Buat tak faham. Buat bodoh. Atau buat pandai. Suka hati. As long as untuk ketenangan diri sendiri. 

Tenang fikiran kita, tenang hati kita.

Second:Jaga hubungan dengan suami. 

Suami kita, kesayangan mereka. Baik kita jaga hati dan keperluan suami kita, inshaAllah baik juga mereka layan kita (tak termasuk scene drama samarinda yang mak mertua ipar duai semua jahat belaka maka kesian sungguh lah menantu itew). 

Third:Buat apa yang patut, hanya yang patut. 

Aku jarang masak. Tapi aku tak mensepahkan dapur. Aku jarang nak spend time huha huha dengan diorang. Apatah lagi nak share dengan diorang segala cerita luar dalam (of course aku bukan menantu/ipar favourite but I don’t care). At least aku bukan jenis yang suka propa atau mengadu domba. And believe me one day they will appreciate you for that.

Itu saja. Senang tak? Only three tips.

Three years three months and counting, I still survive. Alhamdulillah. 

Tapi ultimate tips ialah, berdoa banyak-banyak pada Allah supaya hubungan kita dengan orang sekeliling baik-baik saja disamping usaha untuk tidak menyakitkan hati orang lain.

In before, MIL saya sangat baik. I love her so much no matter what! Syukurrr..

Snorkeling in Sabah

When I first visited Kota Kinabalu about 6 years ago with two dear friends of mine, 

I was immediately fell in love with all the things Sabah could offer. 

I am so in love with Tg Aru, Poring, Ranau, Kundasang, Karambunai, Sandakan, and many more great great places we managed to visit seems so hard to forget.

We really had so much fun. The proof : we captured about 4000 pictures for our 4 days stay hahahahha. 1000 pictures a day!

From the food, the nature, the mount, the beach and of course the most memorable was the island! My first experience snorkeling and island hoping in Sapi, Manukan and Mamutik really really made me feel touched and overwhelmed. I even cried in the water watching the fishes and cute marine life. The underwater, soooo beautiful.

Is that really a clown fish? The nemo we saw in movie? Seriously? Nemo was playing hide and seek with us! we were so excited and cried. Sebab terharu.

And then we saw a big stingray and even a turtle. We cried more. Ahahahah. 

A big group of colorful fishes were following us everywhere we went, because we are holding some food in a bottle. we feel like dreaming. 

I couldn't stop when talking about my snorkeling experience in KK.

We were so lucky because our tour guide pull us to the places which full with beautiful corals and loads of cute fishes. It was quit far from the shore as many people without tour guide would never reach the point due to safety factor.

Alhamdulillah we were so lucky.

Our first snorkeling experience went well. Very very well.

Because I was so in love with the island, I came again alone in 2009. 

Yes alone. and did the same activities. 

Then when my fiance (now is my husband of course hehe) asked the place I wish to go for our honeymoon, I couldn't think other than KK. The intention was I want to share my experience and I want him to see what I saw. The beautiful Sabah.

And now...I want more.

The place that always crossed to my mind.

To swim with the colorful fishes.

See the beautiful corals.

Crystal clear blue green water.

Mabul, see you in April 2014!!!!

Hope to snorkel at Kapalai as well.

And I CANT WAIT.

Thanks AA for the cheap flight ticket! hehe.

Ya Allah, panjangkan umurku, izinkan ku untuk melihat indah dunia ciptaan Mu disana. Amin.

Blood Type and Personality Traits

Tadi terbaca pasal ketaksuban orang Jepun terhadap blood type kat blogserius.

Interesting fact, serious tak pernah tahu hahah.

Rupanya orang Jepun ni kalau boleh segala benda nak ikut blood type.

Sampaikan ada percubaan nak breed better soldiers based on blood type.

Pastu kat sana ada jual soft drinks yang ikut blood type contohnya AB sesuai minum banana flavoured soda dan ianya sangat mendapat sambutan! haha.

Pastu gatal la nak google kan. Nak tau jugak apa research diorang pasal blood type and its personality characteristics. Selama ni pernah baca Dato Fadzilah Kamsah yang ikut bulan lahir tu je.

Personality Characteristics
Type A
• Presence of mind, serious, patient, calm & cool;
• Coherent character, can be relied on & trusted, but stuborn;
• Plan everything out beforehand, and carry out tasks with seriousness and consistency; 
• Try to be fair and find the ideal outcome to any situation;
• Tend to keep themselves separate from others, especially those who don't share their opinions;
• Tend to try and keep their emotions and thoughts hidden from others, and share them only when comfortable.

'TYPE A'
Type As most often described themselves in ways related to the following characteristics: sensitive to the needs of others, good listeners, detail oriented, analytical, creative and inventive. Type As may seem calm on the outside, but inside, you’re filled with anxiety and worry. You’re perfectionists and often shy and sensitive. Usually introverted, you’re stable and thoughtful. You make good listeners and are sensitive to color and your surroundings. You like to be fashionable and are up on the latest trends, but never flashy or gaudy. You like romantic settings and often shun reality for fantasy worlds. A is most compatible with A and AB in the love department. Common career choices: accountant, librarian, economist, writer, computer programmer, and gossip columnist.
Blood Type A - Tend to be cooperative, sensitive, clever, passionate and smart. Often bottling up anxiety in order to get along with others, they may hold in their emotions until they explode. Many are tense, impatient and unable to sleep well. While they are capable of leadership positions, they may not take them because the stress is not good for their tightly wired systems.

 

Type B
• Tend to be exceedingly curious about everything;
• Are easily vexed and grow exasperated if things don't go the way they want them to go;
• Usually have a strong drive to be the best at whatever they set their mind to doing; however, they also tend to neglect other tasks for the sake of whatever they are focusing on;
• Have a hard time multi-tasking;
• Tend to be loners, and keep themselves isolated from others;

'TYPE B'
Blood Type B's often described themselves in ways related to the following characteristics: subjective, easygoing, creative, original and flexible. In another study, Type B's scored significantly higher on "intuiting," indicating a preference or sixth sense information; and they scored high on the "intuiting/feeling" combination, indicating that they tend to be insightful, mystical, idealistic, creative, globally-oriented, people-oriented and good at imagining. They also reported that they learned best through listening, then reflecting on and interpreting what they had observed. Perhaps the nomadic life of the steppes contributed to long hours given over to talk as well as ample time for meditation and reflection. Type B's can be very goal-oriented and often complete the ambitious tasks set before them. Outgoing and very charming, you’re good at reading people and providing support. Though critical of appearance (but not your own), you aren’t picky and are unlikely to dwell over the little things. 
Type Bs are impulsive individualists who often create their own path in life. You are very strong and optimistic. B is most compatible with B and AB lovers. Common career choices: cook, hairdresser, military leader, talk show host, and journalist. Blood type B individuals tend to be balanced: thoughtful like A's and yet ambitious like O's. They are empathetic, easily understanding others' points of view, yet often hesitating to challenge or confront. Chameleon-like and flexible, they make good friends. 

 

Type AB
• Usually gentle and emotionally sensative;
• Are very empathetic and careful when dealing with other people, taking care to consider the other point of view;
• Easily become lost in thought;
• Are sometimes looked at as having 2 personalities, because they tend to keep their true selves hidden from strangers;
• They have many friends, but also require time alone.

'TYPE AB'
Type AB often receives mixed messages about emotional health. While you tend to be drawn to other people and are friendly and trusting, there is a side of you that feels alienated from the larger community. At your best, you are intuitive and spiritual, with an ability to look beyond the rigid confines of society. You are passionate in your beliefs, but you also want to be liked by others and this can create conflicts. In an independent study, Type ABs described themselves as emotional, passionate, friendly, trusting and empathetic. Type ABs are considered some of the most interesting of the blood types, both John F. Kennedy and Marilyn Monroe were Type ABs and although both are long gone, they hold a place in our national psyche to this day. Not surprisingly, ABs can be quite dualistic, possessing both A and B traits. You may be shy and outgoing, and hesitant and confident. You often stand out from others, don’t like labels, and are nice and easy going. You are logical and determined to do things correctly. Usually trustworthy, you like to help others. You often speak in a serious manner. Your patience, concentration, and intelligence are admirable. AB can find a soul mate with any other blood type. Common career choices: bartender, lawyer, teacher, sales representative, and social worker. 
Blood Type AB - Tend to be very charming and popular. They don't sweat the small stuff and can be seen as spiritual and even at times a bit "flaky". Only about 2 - 5% of the population are blood type AB. There is never a dull moment in a AB's life, so if you find one for a friend, consider yourself lucky! Youll enjoy some exciting times together! Sometimes it is difficult to be an AB. AB's don't like to fit in anyone else's "boxes". If they feel too confined, they'll break out of that box and do things their own way.

Type O
• Are usually the "cheerleader" of the group;
•Tend to be more followers than leaders, accepting whatever the plan is and going alone with it without protest;
• Very generous and kindhearted;
• Generally well-liked by most people;
• Very flexible, and adapt easily to change;
• They are easily influenced by others, as well as perceived authorities, such as television personalities;
•Generally trustworthy, but can sometimes make mistakes due to lapses of focus.

 'TYPE O'
Type O’s most often described themselves in ways related to the following characteristics; responsible, decisive, organized, objective, rule-conscious, and practical. Both male and female Type O’s reported a higher percentage of the mesomorphic body type when compared to controls. Interestingly, Type O’s also scored significantly higher than the rest in “sensing” – using the 5 senses to gather information, and in the sensing-thinking combination, indicating that they are more detail and fact oriented, logical, precise and orderly. 
Type O's are the social butterflies. Often popular and self-confident, you are very creative and always seem to be the center of attention. You make a good impression on people and you’re often quite attractive. Organized and determined, your stubbornness will help you reach your goals. You make good leaders. Lovewise, O is most compatible with O and AB. Common career choices: banker, politician, gambler, minister, investment broker, and pro athlete. Blood Type O - Tend to be loners or leaders and are intuitive, focused, self-reliant and daring. They handle stress better than other blood types and have strong immune systems, a well developed physique and a physically active nature.