Tips Memaafkan Insan Lain

Apa anda buat bila anda pernah marah kat seseorang dan tak boleh terima perbuatan dia, tapi anda nak overcome perasaan tu because you know it’s not healthy for your heart?

Nak maafkan? Cakap je senang. Kata je aku dah maafkan dia. Tapi teringat-ingat dan masih rasa geram (ketap bibir).

Nak lupakan? Memang tak boleh selagi tak maafkan. Kadang-kadang tu bawak ke dalam mimpi (chronic tu).

Tak best kan? Sebab end up hati kita yang tak tenang dan rasa tak best. Aku ni bukannya senang nak benci ke menyampah ke marah ke sakit hati dengan orang sangat. Usually, aku memang senang nak maafkan dan tak amik port dah pas sesuatu kejadian tuh. Sebab aku ni jenis, biarlah orang nak kata ape.Tapi kalau orang tu dah extremely, buat hati kecil I ni terguris, memang la susah nak lupa..

So camne nak maafkan orang yang pernah sakitkan hati kita ni?

Haaaa..ni nak cerita satu contoh. Satu office tau yang aku dulu bergaduh ngan En Pon. Obviously I can’t accept him for the first 3 months. Pedulik hape aku dia boss pun. If you want me to respect you, you must respect me at the same time. Bukan nak mengungkit, tapi nak pendekkan cerita kepada anda yang tak tau, he was really an annoying person. Suka sangat marah-marah, kuat merajuk, cepat sentap, dan sensitive! Ape pun tak boleh! Where the hell this man is came from? 

Kalau kat sekolah, surely selalu kena pulau sebab asyik sentap dan sakitkan hati orang je. Kuat mengadu pulak tuh. Yes, mengadu kat orang lain itu ini camtu camni pasal department kitorang. Seriously.  Pastu macam-macam lagi lah kata-kata dia yang menyakitkan hati dan buat aku rasa nak tombokk hidung dia. Itulah bibit-bibit kemenyampahan aku dan ke tak-boleh-blah an aku terhadap dia. 

Paling kelakar bila ramai tau yang dia pergi sound direct aku kat pantry depan orang lain sebab tanak ikut dia gi lunch. Diorang kata macam laki bini tengah bergaduh perang mulut. Hhahahahahaha? Really? Tak sengaja. Pastu bila dia call, memang haram la aku nak jawab kan? I hate you, remember? I will never reply to your messages, whatsapp or what so ever okay.

But it was. It was. Alhamdulillah. Our relationship is getting better. Both of us are trying hard to fix it. Hopefully it will get better for 2014. Bangun pagi pun dah tak berat nak pergi kerja cam sebelum ni.

Know how I managed to overcome this?

Me: Pul, aku tak boleh blah la ngan dia. Camne nak keje ni. Sangat la bla bla bla bla..

Saiful: Ko maafkan lah dia..

Me: Aku dah maafkan dah. Taoi tetap aku tak boleh terima la. Dia kan pernah cakap aku bla bla bla.. sakit hati tau!

Saiful: Ko tak maafkan dia betul-betul la tu..

Me: Dah. Aku dah maafkan dia dah. Tak boleh la. Tak boleh tengok muka dia lagi. Camne ni..Aku nak benti keje je rasanya..

Saiful: Ko maafkan dia tu camne? Ko kena maafkan dia sebelum tidur..Hari-hari maafkan dia..

Me: Yela, aku maafkan semua orang sebelum tidur. Termasuk dia la tu..

Saiful: Ko sebut nama dia tak?

Me: Hah? Kena sebut nama ke? Eee taknak ah! Tak sanggup nak sebut nama.

Saiful: Ha tu la tips yang sebenar, maafkan orang ni kena sebut nama dia sekali. Contoh kalau ko marah kat aku hari ni, sebelum tidur ko sebut ‘Aku maafkan Saiful bla bla bla … Ya Allah, semoga esok adalah hari yang lebih baik dari hari ni..bla bla bla..Ha..baru la berkesan..’

Me: ……………………………………….. (tak sanggup nak sebut nama. yucks)

Suatu malam, lepas 2 bulan Saiful consult aku, aku cuba..

‘Encik Shahril bin Muhamad (bukannamasebenar) saya maafkan Encik Shahril bin Muhamad. Saya nak lupakan semua yang Encik Shahril bin Muhamad cakap kat saya yang buat saya geram. Saya nak kita baik-baik je lepas ni. Bantu hambaMu untuk menjadi lebih sabar dan tak cepat marah,Ya Allah..Amin’

I tried it for few weeks. Alhamdulillah. Sekarang dah ok. Dia cakap pape pun, tak de lah sakit hati sangat sebab dah niat nak maintain cool je walaupun kadang-kadang tu dia masih annoying. Hahahaha. At least dia pun cuba untuk berubah jadi lebih cool dan tak cepat sentap dan tak marah-marah cam dulu lagi..

So you get what I mean? Kalau nak betul-betul maafkan orang yang pernah lukai kita secara critical, sebut nama dia sekali sebelum tidur (tips Dr Fadzilah Kamsah ni). Dan maafkan orang tu seikhlas yang mungkin. Lagi bagus kalau kita mampu sebut dalam doa kita. \

Put aside the ego and be strong!

In Shaa Allah. Ketenangan milik anda.

 : )

Still..about my baby girl..

In lieu to now-so-trending blog entry, http://saatakukaupilih.blogspot.com/ 

tentang 10 tips berguna dari child psychiatrist.

1.    Biasakan dan kerapkan bawak anak main pasir, buih, rumput, dan plastesin. 

2.    Don't expose to too much things in a box.

3.    Stimulate their imitation skills.

4.    Banyakkan concept toys berbanding mainan superheroes, monsters, etc.

5.    Bila nak ajar anak bercakap, ajar word dulu, avoid sentence.

6.    Kalau budak takut strangers. Ask them to high-5. Avoid salam, hug or kiss.

7.    Bila anak buat salah. Explain instead of marah.

8.    Overly-attached to one person is not a good sign.

9.    Bila bermain, follow his interest. 

10. Bagi pilihan jawapan untuk enhance communication skill anak.

InshaaAllah.

I''ll try my best.

Really good info she shared with the reader. 

Most of my friend has read the entry which is so useful and thoughtful to us, fresh parents. To those whom have 0-3 years toddlers, itu memang entry WAJIB baca. 

As we all still learning and many times get confused why our kids were doing such behaviour.  As we all still lack of knowledge on the DOs and DON’Ts in treating our growing up kids.

Clearly, I AM A BAD MOM. Tapi kawan-kawan kata jangan rasa loser sangat. 

Biasa lah, initial phase in being parents, there’s a lot to learn and many mistakes happened. 

But we learn from mistakes right. 

My kids are so lucky for having such a cool and lovely papa.

Papa la yang banyak ajar mommy sabar dengan anak-anak dan layankan aje la kerenah diorang tu.

The hardest thing for me is to be fair to both of my kids.

im battling with myself to avoid bias towards my kids.

So far Aisy belum pandai buat benda bukan-bukan sampai Mommy sakit hati.

Tapi Allysha, Astargfirullahaladzim..

Kalau tak sabar, boleh jadi mangsa dera baby girl saya tu.

Contoh: mandi pati sirap kat carpet bulu mama, buang duit rm300 kat luar tingkap sampai hilang, celup iphone dalam air, basuh muka guna air dalam toilet bowl, simbah adik ngan air banyak sampai adik lemas, menyorok dalam almari sampai mommy kecut perut sebab tak jumpa dia, koyakkan text books mommy banyak-banyak, pecahkan compact powder eye shadow korek lipstick tuang moisturiser, berguling-guling kat lantai shopping mall, tarik curtain main gayut-gayut sampai tertanggal sume, baling hp mommy sebab video upin ipin dah habis, dan macam-macam lagi la. I am complaining? YES! I'm not tough enough to just hold all this 'HAIHHHH' moments inside..

To be positive, Mommy akan anggap setiap benda yang mencabar kesabaran tu ialah punca atau bukti anak mommy anak yang bijak k. hehe. If it is the way you learn and be happy, so I must bear to face it with an open heart.

Kadang-kadang tu bila tak tahan, memang termarah Allysha. Kesian dia.

Tapi..pastu menyesal. Sian kakak. Dia mana tau pape. Tau main dan happykan diri sendiri je.

Pastu buat sepah dan buat mommy marah sume tu pun sebab nak attention mommy.

Kakak jeolus sebab mommy asyik peluk adik je kan. I'm so sorry kakak.

Mommy yang salah kakak. Mommy masih cuba lagi nak jadi mommy yang penyabar.

MOMMY LOVES YOU SO MUCH, BABY GIRL.

YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY BABY, ALLSYHA AZZAHRA.

Mommy sayang dua-dua.

Throwback: When I Was In Liverpool

When She Wants What She Wants

Special post about Allysha whom recently throw tantrum 

for a small thing we did not give her.

Yesterday, for the first time in history, Mommy could not bear her and became evil step mother. For the first time, Mommy punished Allysha by hitting her hand over three times. I also mentioned harsh words to her. I lost my patience. And I regret it SO much. 

Cian Cica. Cica nangis. Cica pujuk Mommy. Mommy tak layan sebab geram sangat.  

Cica continuously cried. Sobing.  And expect Mommy to hug her. Mommy still angry. 

But then when I looked into her eyes, Mommy pulak tersedih.

Mommy: ‘Kakak jangan la buat macam tadi lagi. Mommy tak kisah kalau selalu kena kemas. It’s okay. Tapi Mommy tak suka Allysha mengamuk untuk benda ntah pape (dia taburkan sebalang penuh popia habis bersepah satu bilik pastu robohkan almari sampai jatuh semua barang sebab Mommy tak bagi main antifungal cream)’  

Allysha: ‘Mommyyyyyyyyyy……. (and she hold me tight. no matter how terrible I am towards her, still she wants Mommy to comfort her)’

………………………………………..

Sedih. Menyesal. I should control my emotion, be patient and handle it better.

Sepatutnya lebih banyak istighfar. Selama ni boleh sabar kenapa sekarang tak. Haish.

To recap,

10 tips to deal with tantrums

Develop a strategy

Have a clear plan for how you will handle a tantrum for a range of situations, ie; at home, out shopping, playing at friend's houses. If a tantrum then occurs, remember to focus on your plan rather than the tantrum. This will help keep you calm and in control.

Remind the child of what happened last time they mis-behaved

If your child is old enough to understand, you can remind them of past experiences and the consequences of misbehaving.

Distract your child

Refocus their attention by calmly offering something else to do, see, eat or play with.

Big tantrums often develop from little tantrums

The faster you can intervene or distract your child from a tantrum the better.

Acknowledge their feelings

This aligns you with them and sets the stage for him/her to begin to work through his own problems. For example, setting up a chart for positive behaviour they need to work towards helps your child to focus on a positive goal.

When a preschool child throws a tantrum

Stay within the child's sight but carry on normal activities without talking to him or acknowledging the tantrum.

Start a clean slate

Once a tantrum is over, the child is entitled to start over with a clean slate. Comfort may be given, but any original demands the child had should not be fulfilled. Otherwise, tantrums will become a way of life.

Stay Strong

If a tantrum does happen you need to be strong. If you are out shopping, for example, leave the shopping basket where it is and take your child out to the car or somewhere quiet until the tantrum is over. They need to see they can't hold you hostage to a situation.

Keep a diary

For a few days - when the tantrums happen - note what time of day, what you are doing and what your child is doing, when it happens. If it always happens around dinner, try letting your child have her dinner earlier, giving her a bath before dinner, letting her help you prepare the meal, or having some special time with her at this time of day.

If you are unable to stay near

If you are unable to stay near because you feel yourself losing control and are worried about what you may do, tell your child that you will be leaving for a short time but will be back soon to look after him. Make sure he is safe and have someone else stay with him if you can.

Adila, please please please be a good mother to your lovely kids. Biasalah toddler memang camtu.. ; (